Displays of wealth may be seen as signs of superiority and frowned upon accordingly. Likewise, the acceptance of generosity may be seen as a sign of bludging or inferiority. Likewise, it may be frowned upon.
The relaxed attitude of Australians has been known to cause problems. Because Australians are difficult to offend, they are not sensitive to causing offence in others. To outsiders, Australians often appear very blunt and rude. They tend to call a spade a spade when perhaps more tact is required.
Furthermore, because Australians see people as equal, they frequently offend international visitors who feel a more respectful attitude is warranted. Australians may refer to some foreigners as "mate" instead of using more respectful titles such as your honour, sir, madam, mrs, mr, ms, lord, and your highness. Likewise, cricketer Dennis Lillee expressed his egalitarian sentiments when he greeted Queen Elizabeth using the words: "G'day, how ya goin'?"
The rounds at the pub
The social rules of the round or shout are perhaps the most important of all social rules that need to be mastered. A round is where one individual will pay for the drinks of the other members of the drinking party. Once the drinks have been drunk, another member of the drinking party will get the next round. Every member of the drinking party must buy the same number of rounds. Like splitting the bill at a restaurant, there is no consideration given to each member's financial status, background or to their gender.
The round is also a reason why non-sexual relationships between men and women are very common in Australia. A lone woman can go out drinking with men and provided she buys her round, she will be treated as one of the boys. In other cultures around the world, if a woman goes out drinking with men, she will generally be seen as a indecent woman.
The rounds are not always followed in night-clubs. This can be attributed to the diverse drinks bought, different motivations, interference of drugs, and the different character of person who frequents such establishments.
Splitting the bill at a restaurant
In most Asian countries, if a group of friends go out for dinner, the wealthiest member of a dining party may offer to pay for the entire meal. Furthermore, if a man and woman go to dinner, irrespective of whether they are friends or lovers, the man will usually pay. This is not the case in Australia. If a group of friends go to a restaurant, the bill will be split amongst all the diners. It is unlikely that one individual will feel an obligation to pay for others. Nor do any of the other members of the dining party want to be paid for. To accept the generosity may evoke feelings of shame that one is a bludger. *In business, these rules are bent a little as a bill may be picked up as a way of fostering "good relations."
Mateship
People in all countries have friends, but arguably no country lionises mateship to the same degree as does Australia. Although mate is a gender-neutral term, it is more commonly used by men than by women. It carries with it a sense of obligation to do the right thing by one's close friends. In many respects, mates in Australia serve the role that family serves in other countries. Mates can be relied upon in times of need and will stand by you through the good times and the bad.
Perhaps the importance that Australia places on mateship can be attributed to its history as an immigrant nation. Convicts, orphans, prostitutes and lone individuals came to Australia without families. Consequently, their friends subsituted for their lack of a family network.
Another explanation is that it came from the hardships of the first century of Australia's existence. It has long been known in psychological circles that social bonding coincides with extreme difficulty. Consequently, the hardships endured by Convicts and farmers caused them to feel a great sense of reliance upon each other.
Taking the piss
Around the world, most jokes are based on some variety of derogatory theme. In order to avoid offending the victim's feelings, most nationalities usually only say the joke when its victim is not present. In Australia, this can be a risky thing to do. Some Australians don't like people making jokes about groups that they are not part of. If they hear a joke about a different group, instead of laughing, they may get angry and call the joke teller a bigot.
Targets of a piss-take are expected to reply in kind. An insulting joke in return often increases an Australian's appreciation for you.
It is also worth being careful about what things you take the piss about. There are no hard and fast rules. It is recommended that no piss be taken until you get to know your friend well and understand what makes them laugh or angry. Then you take the piss and so help them feel better about whatever is troubling them in his or her life.
Tipping
Tipping is optional in Australia. In restaurants, a tip is only left if above average service has been delivered. Taxi drivers are usually only tipped if they initiate a good conversation and don't rip off their customers. (When getting into a taxi, sitting in the front seat is the etiquette. The back seat feels too much like one is being chauffeured and it is difficult to have a conversation.)
Bar staff are not usually tipped unless a customer has thoughts of seducing them. Even if the staff are not tipped, they will continue to serve you on your subsequent visits. No grudge is held against those who don't tip.
Bringing booze to a barbecue
There is an Australian adage that when hosting a barbecue, a knock on the door should never be answered as it means the guest isn't carrying the required case of beer. (One should only answer a kick on the door.) If invited to someone's home for a barbecue, etiquette stipulates that you make a contribution to the alcohol that will be drunk. If bringing beer, a six-pack is ok but a case is more ideal.
Depending upon the nature of the barbecue, sometimes etiquette allows un-drunk beers to be taken home. But if the host has provided a large banquet, it is usually safer to leave un-drunk beers for the host as a gesture of thanks.
Wine for the dinner party
At a dinner party, wine is the appropriate alcoholic contribution made by guests. Depending upon who is on the guest list, the choice of wine is very important. If the guests are knowledgeable about wine, anyone who brings a cheap wine such as Jacobs Creek will be frowned upon and the wine will just be left unopened.
No wine is too expensive at a dinner party. The better the wine that a guest brings, the more they will be appreciated. By bringing a good wine, the guest is saying that it is an honour to drink with other guests and the host.
Those who share the wine should be appreciative of the honour, without expressly saying so. Although the wine can be praised, the bringer of the wine can not. In such situations, a very important rule is that the cost of the wine should not be asked, and never volunteered.
If the host takes it upon themselves to open all the wine for the evening, it is generally good form to acknowledge who brought the wine that is being opened. If it is an unique wine, this gives the guest the opportunity to talk about where the wine came from and why he/she thinks it is interesting.
It is very poor form for the host not to open a bottle of good wine that has been brought. I.e. for the host to open the cheap plonk with the hope he/she can drink the good wine by themselves at a later date.
If the wine is not opened, then the host should suggest that the guest take it home with them. In such circumstances, the guest can accept. Alternatively, the host should say the wine will be saved for the next time the guest comes over.
Seek and express empathy, not sympathy
In America, people feel no shame when talking about the fact they are seeing a counsellor or psychiatrist. Oddly, revealing one's emotional distress almost seems to be a status symbol. In Australia, an ethic of "no worries" reins. Irrespective of whether they have just lost two legs in a car accident or their business has just collapsed, Australians try to maintain a facade of cheerfulness.
If you feel the need to talk about your problems, it is more polite to try to turn the problem into a funny story.
The reasons for no worries mantra is best understood by appreciating that Australia was built by victims. The first of these victims were Convicts who over an 80 year period, suffered some of the worst human rights violations the world has ever seen. After World War II, Australia became a new home for war, political and economic refugees.
As victims, these groups did not want sympathy from others, nor were they prepared to give it to others. When recording his experiences, the Convict J.F Mortlcok wrote:
" In Australia, silent composure under suffering is strictly prescribed by convict etiquette."
Sometimes these victims were willing to give and receive empathy. The melancholic music of Convicts was the first of such means to express empathy. In modern times, empathy is expressed at ANZAC Day Dawn Services and when reciting the Ode in RSLs.
If you consider yourself to be a victim, bear in mind that Australia is a country where respect is given to underdogs who stand up for themselves. The victim that doesn't stand up for themselves, or needs someone else to fight for their cause, will gain no respect. |
